Here's Your Sign

Living in a historic downtown district, I drive by many churches in a couple mile radius. Most recently, one caught my eye and attention as I sat at a red light. This old church, tucked behind trees, had a display sign in front. It read, "God gave up his Son for you. What will you give up for Him?" And I thought to myself, I would like to meet the guy who came up with the brilliant idea of church signs with catchy one to two liners. I mean, seriously. Who are you reaching with these signs? Are you trying to bring in people who don't know God or don't attend church anywhere? Or are you trying to convict the Christian passing by? And is that sign really going to cause conviction? I mean, as I sat there at that stop light, I realized all the sin in my life and completely repented. Remind me to send a thank you card to that church. Coming from a past as a professional Christian (one who is paid by the church to work for the church), I think it is imperative that churches think about what they do and how they represent God. Yes, God gave up His Son for me and you, but is writing it on the sign the best way to reach people? Or would it be more effective if I formed a relationship with my neighbor and really showed her how my life is different because God gave up His Son for me?

Just a thought.

School Lunchroom

Every Thursday I volunteer in my daughter's kindergarten class. I mostly cut out crafts which I hate to say but I've never been great with scissors. Sorry Mrs. Toler. I volunteer for an hour and then go to lunch with Sinclair. You have to realize this about me. I am not great with kids. I don't really know what to say. So staying to eat lunch with my kid probably takes years off my life. Its not that I can't talk to my own kid, its the other kids that are so hard. And striking up conversations with other moms is painfully hard for me most days. I am a closet introvert who masquerades as an extrovert. I feel like most environments I find myself in require me to be outgoing, even chatty. When mostly, I just want to have good, deep conversations. I am terrible at chit chat. So you can see how the lunchroom is an obstacle course for me. But I am learning how to survive the lunchroom. How to look for people that need something--a smile, some ice cream or chit chat. I'm learning that when you push past your insecurities and discomforts for the sake of the glory of God, something better happens.

Judge Or Lawyer

Maybe I've been watching way too much Good Wife on Hulu lately but a lawyer metaphor entered my mind today about parenting as I was drying my hair. I don't know about you, but I have some of my questions, ideas or moments of clarity while drying my hair. As I thought about my day thus far, the battles with the kids, the metaphor of the lawyer & judge came to mind. Judges are not to be passionate. They interpret the law and execute judgment but do so without passion or bias. On the other hand, lawyers are passionate. They defend with passion and show how the client was wronged. The argue for a stiff punishment whether criminal or civil because the client suffered in some unjust way.

I thought about myself and how I often parent my kids. Parenting kids under 5 is just plain hard. It is taxing and exhausting. I often feel wronged. I feel like I suffered while enduring countless hours of Barbies, pretend play or Dora. So when they disobey or act out of line or throw a fit, I react like the lawyer--passionate and seeking justice for myself. When perhaps, I should act like the judge who without bias or passion interprets what happened and executes punishment in a calm, rational way. What do you think? Judge or Lawyer?

Playground

For the record, I am a big fan of my kids going to school. If you've ever had a strong willed child, let's unite and give a big cheer for Monday. Mondays are glorious around my house because both kids are in school that day.

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As I was out for a walk on this Monday morning, my phone rang and my stomach sunk. I didn't recognize the number but had a feeling it was the preschool calling to inform me that my youngest daughter's nose was way to bad to have sent her to school. In a twist of fate, it was the elementary school phoning to let me know that Big had thrown up. At school. In the hallway. This day was definitely not shaping up like I had hoped.

So we basically had a sick day for Monday and Tuesday. If you have a strong willed child, then you know exactly how difficult it is to have a "sick day" when that child no longer feels "sick". I had to go into creative gear and figure out a game plan to survive the day.

This is where the playground comes into play. To be perfectly honest, I don't really like playgrounds (especially the kind inside of fast food establishments). Partly because of germs and partly because of kids. I don't really like kids. Before you throw something at me through the screen, know that I love my kids. I just might not like yours. I'm more of teenager kind of person. I've worked with them most of my adult life but I was never a babysitter. I just don't get little kids.

So with that said, imagine two 5 year old girls at the playground with my two kids. Would you believe there are already mean girls at five? I already had a stereotype of the lead mean girl based on what she was wearing (don't hate me. i judged). And this lead girl had the other girl at her beck and call. Big was playing like a monster that was out of catch Little. So naturally monsters roar which the mean girls were not amused. Big quickly replied "I'm just playing." Like duh! This continued until the mean girls had blocked an entrance to a slide. As my daughters tried to exit, they were blocked. Now Little doesn't get much. She thinks everyone is playing at all times. So she begins to say in a sassy voice, "Move it, girl". I chuckle under my breath because let's be honest, I don't like these girls. The girls wouldn't move so Little decides to call them names like "Poopy Head." One of the mean girls looks at my and tells on Little that she has a potty mouth. I get on to Little about using those words and then basically say to the girl, "Look, she's three. Get over it." About 3 minutes later, the girl tattles again and I say, "Stop being a tattle tail." I am seriously about to throw down with a 5 year old. Thankfully, their grandmothers were completely oblivious to it all and I can escape their ridicule.

Moral of the story: don't take me to the playground with your kids. On a serious note, Big didn't notice their meanness at all. All she talked about was meeting new friends at the playground. Impressive. Oh how I wish I was more like her.

Called to Freedom

"For you were called to freedom, brethren; only do not turn your freedom into an opportunity for the flesh, but through love serve one another. For the whole law is fulfilled in one word, in the statement, "You shall love your neighbor as yourself." Galatians 5:13-14 (emphasis mine)

LOVE that expresses COMPASSION

I want to live freely--free from the law of perfection; of thinking of others' opinions; of a standard of beauty and actions of myself; of freely trapped in my role. This year, I want the blessing of freedom. God has called us to freedom. Free to look at others--to show compassion and serve. I want to look beyond myself and that is where I believe I will find true freedom.

I want to be free in all areas--lifestyle, decorating, parenting and my body. Free to look beyond what others think and truly love and serve with compassion. I think this desire is a driving point to finally putting pen to paper here in the tiny webspace that is mine. The chains of other people's opinions have restricted me for too long. Scared to write, to contribute. What if I have lost my touch? What if I am not as talented as someone else? There is a standard of perfection placed on myself that was crippled me for several years.

As I looked forward to 2014, one things I knew I desired was to stop comparing myself. The comparison game only left me feeling inadequate. To find freedom, we have to start by letting go (que Queen Elsa) of what others think and the standard of perfection  held to ourselves.

So with that said, here in this space of mine, I want to share all of me. Be vulnerable as can be in all those areas of my life in hopes to discover what it feels like to be free.